How on earth can you explain the feeling of being excited and scared at the same time?
Going to new places, meeting new people, getting used to strange new culture, trying out new local food, understanding alien language.. Everything is new and everything just strange. I love doing new things, love getting new experience. The excitement that I get overflows with extra endorphin rush from my veins straight to my brain. It may seem very courageous but the truth is I have a lot of fear in life.
Being highly dependent onto the family from my early age, I never left home until I almost reach my legal age. Once I step out of the house when I was seventeen, there is no more looking back. Home become a vacation visit. Within these 10 years now, I barely return home three years ago for one and a half years. Maybe that’s the reason why the family want me back. ^______^
But the thing is, being away from hometown when you are still in your own country home can be totally different with being away from hometown, home and everything you have known to a total strange place. I don’t know what to expect and I don’t know how to accept all the changes that might arise from the differences. And that’s not the worse.. The worst part actually is going ALONE.
I am not good with planning, I may end up just wandering around not knowing where and what to do next. I am not good with roads, I can easily get lost even with the help of the most advance technology. I am not good being alone, I think I will cry and wonder why am I doing this to myself. I always feel insecure and I will waste a lot of money just for safety purposes. I don’t even have enough fund but this strong passion to travel is killing me inside. Yes, I am scared to death that I feel like I will die restless if I did not manage to face that fear.
Yet honestly speaking, travelling with others is really not my style. I hate having to wait for people while I am damn excited for the challenge. I hate having to adjust to people need, no freedom to do everything I planned just because my partner do not wish to. I hate the feeling of being unable to fulfill my curiosity just because they are tired. Still I hate feeling guilty and selfish to enjoy all the fun while others is suffering waiting for me. Having this complex personality in me, I guess not everybody also can stand being with me.
And knowing me personally, you should know how I love to share about my everything. I seriously think I can talk for hours because it make me so proud, hahaha. That one bad habit of mine, having a story without being able to tell anybody will certainly make me suffer. Through this blog, though I will be alone out there one day, I hope I won’t feel too lonely.
Wish me luck friend! I wish you the best too.